Author: Jason Cantwell

It's Worfin' time!

scene: a grassy meadow somewhere in Chicago. D'Karng and the rest of the crew of the QOQ'IQ are all enjoying a bountiful picnic on this bright sunny day. A group of children have gathered for some wholesome Klingon fun.

D'KARNG: Boy, nothing could ruin this day. . . {then suddenly, off in the distance, a squad of evil Cardassians appear from a transporter beam, all growling and uttering threats}

D'KARNG: Ahh MAN! Those heinous Cardassians are gonna ruin all our wholesome Klingon fun! {turns to the others} IT'S WORFIN' TIME!!! {all five QOQ'IQ crew members reach under their jackets to retrieve the audio cassette POWER KLINGON by Marc Okrand & Barry Levine. They all hold their POWER KLINGON tapes in front of them} ALL: Feqlargh-zord power NOW! {the crew morphs into super-armoured Klingons, and begin kicking some serious Cardie arse! In the background a song can be heard: "They've got. . . a powerful force that you've never seen before. . ."}

D'KARNG: No way you heinous Cardassians are gonna spoil this picnic!!! HYAH! {D'Karng executes a perfectly-cheesed "look-I'm-hanging-from-wires" pseudo-kick, which sends a Cardassian spawling. The song continues: "They've got. . . foreheads like Mister Worf and they'll even up the score! . ."} {the other memebrs of the crew are enjoying themselves just as much as D'Karng - perhaps moreso. The first officer drops three Cardassians with one mighty Kirk chop. The song plays on: "No one will ever kag them down! . ."}

D'KARNG: Klingons frag with honour!

HY-JORRRRR!! {another seven Cardies somehow find themselves on their backs as D'Karng does a Lui Kang bicycle kick. The song goes: "they'll stick daggers in your si-e-i-e-i-e-i-e-i-e-ide!. ."} {there are only about a half-dozen lowly Cardassians standing, and they regroup to focus their attack on D'Karng, who receives his second wind upon hearing the chorus: GO GO POWER KLINGONS! GO GO POWER KLINGONS! GO GO POWER KLINGONS! YOU MIGHTY WORFIN' POWER KLINGONS!} {by the time the last glorious reverbs from the song echo off into the distance, the last dishonourable Cardassian has fallen. The leader regains consciousness long enough to shake his fist cheesily}

CARDASSIAN: I'll get you yet, D'Karng! You and your vile Power Klingons will not be rid of Gul Da'Wunce that easily! Engage transporter beam! {the squad of prone Cardassians disappears in a low-budget version of a transporter beam}

D'KARNG: Alright! Now back to our wholesome Klingon fun! {the crew "deWorfs" and return to the picnic. The kids cheer for their heroes and everyone seems happy once again}

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With You Question and comments Updated January 28th, 2009

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